Hi,

Yesterday my day started off with a heap of tears (as I’m currently going through a tough time with my long term relationship) and I really needed a lift. I was comparing myself to other men who had more money and career success (obviously this depends on how you define success!). I wondered if  my relationship was struggling due to the fact that I could have been more of a ‘provider’, instead of battling my way through some precarious paths in pursuit of my own happiness and in a sense, my manhood.  This brings up a lot of insecurity in me as my dad died before I was born of an Asthma attack and I never really learned in a conventional sense what it is to be a ‘man’. Along the way I had some significant male role models, but some who clearly had their own agenda for me and actually discouraged me from going down my own path, in favour of their own ‘higher way’. I guess you could say that I have struggled with my own sense of identity for a while outside of the institutions of religion and marriage (save that discussion for another day).

So I found myself sobbing and then started praying for some encouragement. When I say praying I don’t mean “Our Father who art in heaven…”, I’m talking about the kind of prayer that all people have access to that is not belief specific. I’m talking about the inherent spiritual connection that we are all born with, not born disconnected from as some prefer to believe! You could argue that this is just my belief, which is a valid point, so I won’t judge you over it - Haha. No judgement here peoples!! Hear me?

As I waited on the train with my usual busking gear and got a text from a mate (one of my many wonderful friends) who sent me a text cause he felt like I needed some encouragement! It read “Remember, the past is over and the future isn’t as important as the here and now…live for today and enjoy the harmony of the world and universal peace”. - So for the skeptics of my belief, there it was … A SIGN hehehe

The rest of the day was inspiring as I met fellow busking friends and other beautiful people who I know well. I had the best busking day for ages in terms of sales, but also encouragement. Thanks to everyone who supported me, all those many bright faces who walk past in some cases giving money and also the energy of their being. I can’t get enough of the smiles and mutual acknowledgment. This seems to be where I’m basing my manhood from these days and it’s refreshing.

While I was performing near the corner of Little Collins and Swanston St, this chick came across the road and started yelling at me. She said “That is all residential over there you know, and you are so loud that I can’t hear my television”. I stayed looking at her as she interrupted one of my favourite songs and I began playing really softly without turning the main volume down.  Meanwhile an incredibly loud street sweeper rolled past as did a couple of trams and I was struggling to hear her. She threatened to call the police if I wouldn’t turn it down from the main volume immediately. I couldn’t help wonder why her need for low volume at 6pm on a Saturday night, on one of the busiest streets of Melbourne wasn’t considered before she decided to take up residency there. Just a minor oversight I guess…

All in all I had a great day and felt reconnected by the end of it.

Catch ya,

Joel

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